


Only In My Dreams...

by leftennant



Series: Darcyland April Fools Smut Challenge Fics [7]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies), Wintershock - Fandom
Genre: Crack, Cuddling & Snuggling, F/M, Fluff, Smut, Striptease Malfunction, dlafsmutchallenge, roller skates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-16 12:05:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10570956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leftennant/pseuds/leftennant
Summary: In which Darcy and Bucky have a very weird night.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I've combined day six and seven of the dlafsmutchallenge for this. So...that means striptease malfunction PLUS roller skates. I don't think I need tell anyone at this point just how cracky things are gonna get.   
> Beta'd by the incredible amidtheflowers.
> 
> *******************************************

Bucky still didn’t know how she’d talked him into this. It wasn’t something he’d normally do, but Darcy had asked, and he wanted to make her happy. Still, it felt a little strange as he slowly unbuttoned the shirt he was wearing while she lay back on his pillows, and watched.

Her face, though. That made it all worth it. Whatever he thought about it, it was obviously turning his girl on. She was watching intently, pupils wide and dark, lips parted a little and her breath coming quicker the more buttons he undid. 

“Am I doing this right?” he asked tentatively, as he began sliding the shirt down his shoulders.

“Are you kidding me?” she replied. “This is the hottest thing we’ve ever done.”

Bucky was a little confused by that. He was sure they’d done hotter things, although...at the moment he couldn’t seem to bring them to mind. But he just wasn’t sure how him undressing was the hottest. Why couldn’t he think of the other things, though? They shouldn’t be this hard to remember. While he was on that subject, how had they met? Jesus, his head must more scrambled than he thought if he couldn’t remember meeting the girl on his bed. He was still trying to figure that out when his wrist began making an ominous clicking sound.

The clicking sound got louder, and Bucky paused in unzipping his jeans to look at it. The moment his eyes focused on the metal plates, they went silent. With a shrug, he went back to the zipper.

“Yeah baby,” Darcy said as his jeans slid down his hips. “Mama likes.”

Did that seem like something she’d say? He wasn’t sure. Maybe? Why did the room suddenly look smaller? Were his sheets always blue? Hadn’t they been red just a moment ago? Then he looked up at Darcy, and all his concern vanished. Shit, she was gorgeous. Her bare skin was lit up by a row of candles lined up on his dresser. Wait. Where had they gone? Was there a lamp in their place now?

Bucky shook his head. Only a schmuck would be worrying about a lamp when there was a beautiful woman waiting. He put one knee on the mattress, preparing to join her, and his wrist clicked again. 

“Is that your arm?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he replied, staring down at it.

“Is it supposed to do that?”

“No.” He rotated his hand, listening as the clicking increased. “Stark added some new tech a couple days ago, but it’s never done this before.”

The new tech had been magnetic clamps, kind of like what Steve had on his shield. They’d been installed at each joint, so that the arm could detach in sections for easier repair. So far they hadn’t given Bucky a single problem, but now it looked like maybe he was going to need to go in for a tune-up.

Darcy sat up, leaning forward on her knees to examine his hand. “Well, I’m no expert, but it looks like other than the sound, it’s functioning okay. Can checking on it wait? Just, you know...for an hour or so. Because reasons.” 

She winked at him as she said ‘reasons’, and Bucky was inclined to agree. The hand could wait. He’d call Stark later and get it figured out, but for now…

“C’mere, you,” he said to her. “I’ve got some plans for those lips.”

“Uhuh,” Darcy replied, running her finger along the waistband of his boxer briefs. “You’ve still got one more thing to take off here, buster, and I want to watch.” She flopped back onto the pillows, an expectant look on her face. 

Bucky shook his head at with a grin turning up the corners of his lips. He might not understand why she wanted him to do a striptease, but it was impossible to miss how much she loved it. Maybe he’d try to get into it a little bit more for her. Add a hip swivel or something. “You got it, doll.”

He stuck his thumbs into the elastic, and began to shove the boxer briefs down. They’d just hit the floor when three things happened. The mechanical clicking sound sped up, there was a loud POP, and his hand sprang free of his arm, landing with a thump on the bed.

For a few moments both of them just stared at it in shock. Then Darcy shifted her eyes up to his, and said, “Um. Is it supposed to just detach like that? Because as far as updated functionality goes, that seems...wrong.”

Bucky glanced down at his empty wrist in disgust. “I’m gonna kill Stark.”

She cleared her throat. “So…”

“So,” he said, a sudden urge to laugh welling up. “This uh...was not what I had planned.”

“No. Should I be flattered, though? Like, I got you so hot and bothered that your um...your hand…” 

Darcy cleared her throat again, and it sounded like she was holding back laughter herself. Bucky’s lips started to twitch.

“Fell off?” he said helpfully, and a tiny giggle escaped her. She immediately looked mortified.

“I am so sorry. I’m not laughing at you. I swear. I just, this is so… I mean… Okay, when I said I wanted a striptease, I didn’t mean the arm. But you definitely get points for originality.”

There was another second of silence, and then they both burst out laughing. 

“At least I got something for it,” he said. “Here, let me just…”

He reached for the hand but she got to it first, holding it out with another giggle. “Your hand, Sarge,” she said.

Bucky snorted. “Thanks.”

Reattaching it was easy, thank God, and he had it back on in a matter of seconds. He flexed his fingers, making sure everything was working. It seemed to be fine. No more clicking. Maybe it just hadn’t been sitting in the connection ports right or something.

“We good to go?” Darcy asked.

“Yeah, looks that way,” he replied, wiggling his fingers at her.

“I don’t know.” She gave him a sultry little smile, and licked her lips. “I think you might need a full body once over. Just in case.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” Darcy once again moved back to his pillows, and then crooked a finger at him in invitation. “Come on over here, and I’ll make sure all your various and assorted parts are working properly.”

It sounded like a great plan to Bucky. He couldn’t wait to get his hands on her. All over her, making her moan in that way he loved. Bucky started towards her again, eyes focused on her plump red lips, reached out to skim his fingers up her leg, and then…

His hand detached again.

“God _damn_ Stark,” he declared, looking up in the direction of Tony’s penthouse. “I’m gonna go up there right now, and detach _his_ hand. See what he thinks of that.”

“Um, Bucky?”

“I made you some new clamps, he said. They’ll make your life easier, he said. Fuck him and his new clamps,” Bucky groused. “This is definitely not making my life easier.”

“Bucky?”

“I don’t know why I agreed to it in the first place. He can’t even get that idiot robot of his to stop squirting him with the oil can. Why would things be any different with my arm?”

“Oh my GOD! BUCKY!!! A little help here please!”

He turned his attention back to Darcy, just in time to see her squirming up as far as she could go on his bed, and tucking her legs up under her. There was a very good reason for this. His hand, the hand that had been lying stationary on the bed just seconds before, was now crawling up the bed in her direction. 

“Jesus Christ,” Bucky said.

“Yes. Jesus Christ, indeed,” she shot back. “Are you doing that?”

“I don’t even know _how_ I would do that,” he said. The hand continued to creep across the comforter, as they both watched in disbelief.

“Could you maybe get it? Now?”

“Yeah. I’m so sorry, Darce. I’ll just grab it, and put it back on again. Then I’m gonna go use it to strangle Stark,” he muttered the last part under his breath. 

The hand reached her before he could get it, though. She scrambled away with a loud, “Eep!” Without missing a beat, the hand turned, picking up speed as it chased her across the bed.

“Motherfucker,” Bucky exclaimed. “How does it even know where you are?”

“I don’t care how it knows. Just get it!” she yelped, as it reared up and waved its fingers at her. 

Bucky lunged onto the bed after it, but the hand evaded his grasp, skittering away to the corner where Darcy was clutching a pillow to her body in panic. She shrieked and began whacking it with the pillow. The hand seemed unperturbed, flattening out before each blow, and moving closer each time she lifted the pillow.

“I’ve got a plan,” Bucky said to her. “Just keep it occupied.”

“Keep it occupied? _How_?” 

“Don’t stop hitting it,” he said, shifting stealthily nearer to her and the hand.

“Okay. Okay I can do this. NOT TODAY YOU CYBERNETIC PSYCHO-LIMB!” she screeched, smacking the pillow down even harder on the runaway hand. “Die! Die! Bucky it’s not stopping, what do I do??? OH MY GOD, IT IS CRAWLING UP MY LEG!”

“GOTCHA!” Bucky shouted, finally getting a grip on the damn thing. He wrestled it off of Darcy, pinning it down to the nearby nightstand, and feeling around for his boxer briefs with the other.

She found them, handing the undergarment over while she kept one wary eye locked on his hand. He was tugging them on when the hand broke free, jumped into the air, and…

Bucky woke up with a start, sitting straight up in bed. The realization that it had just been a dream washed over him, and he slumped back down in relief. “Jesus,” he muttered. 

The clock on his nightstand said three am, but there was no way he going back to sleep now. Not with that dream still hanging around the fringes of his consciousness. Nope. He was just gonna stay awake, and thank his lucky fucking stars that he’d never agreed to let Stark work on his arm.

Next to him, Darcy stirred in her sleep. “Okay but only for charity,” she mumbled. “No wheels without a good cause.”

“Only for charity, huh?” he said. “Just whatcha dreaming about, Darce?”

**********************************************************************

Darcy gazed into the box sitting on her desk with a frown. Yep. They were still there. All white leather, and red wheels, and potential death bound up with hot pink laces. Why had she ever agreed to this?

 _Because you said it was for a good cause_ her brain supplied. And because Steve did one of his motivational speeches about truth, justice, and rollerskating for charity. She was a sucker for those speeches. Everyone was. Darcy slapped the lid on the box with a sigh. If she survived this, she was going to invest in a pair of really good ear plugs. That way the next time Steve came around looking for help with one of his ten zillion causes, she could put them in.

Unfortunately that did not help with _this_ particular cause. Darcy had exactly twenty-four hours to learn how to roller skate. Yeah. She was going to die. Oh well, nothing ventured nothing gained, right? Maybe she’d survive it. Either way, she was going to clock out early and head home to get some practice.

An hour later Darcy was sitting on her couch, skates laces up and ready to go. It was now or never, she decided, and took a deep breath, preparing to stand.

She prepared to stand for five full minutes.

“Come on, Lewis,” she admonished herself, finally pushing up on wobbly legs. “You are a strong, intelligent, independent woman. A woman who can totally make a pair of stupid roller skates her bitch.”

The roller skates didn’t reply. Unless you counted sending her careening into the coffee table a reply. Darcy landed on her ass, one skate on the edge of the table, and the other propped on a couch cushion, wheels still rolling.

She stared up at the ceiling and sighed. “Fuck my life. And fuck roller skates too.”

But Darcy was nothing if not a trooper, and she got up, ready to get her roll on. Her ‘roll’ quickly turned into a be-wheeled stumble. The next thing she knew, she was laying face up on her kitchen floor, viewing yet another patch of ceiling.

“Okay,” she said to herself out loud. “Rule one of roller skates, do not trust the roller skates. Roller skates are assholes. You hear me, roller skates? You’re assholes. Now, I’m willing to let this fact slide as long as you stop depositing me on the floor.”

She wasn’t sure if the roller skates were listening, but this time when she gingerly got back to her feet, she was able to manage a slow roll out into the living room without getting a faceful of floor. She didn’t give up, though, and after a few hours of rolling around her apartment, she’d gotten the hang of it.

Sort of. At least she wasn’t falling quite as much, which was definitely something. She’d even put some music on, a playlist that she thought went well with wheeled shoes. It seemed to help. She could keep time with the music, moving her legs to the beat. 

Then a song came on that she really, really loved. She was just getting into it, placing one foot in front of the other, and picking up speed when disaster struck. Her left foot wobbled, her right foot came down fast to compensate, and she whipped around the couch, heading straight for her open balcony doors.

“Shit, shit, _shit_ ” she yelled, flailing as her skates hurled her towards the railing of the balcony. There was a second of abject panic, a brief scrabbling at the rail, and then she flipped over it with a shriek, plunging to what Darcy assumed would be certain death.

On her way down, Darcy decided nothing was worse than dying in a freak roller skating accident. It was so fucking embarrassing. Knowing Stark, he’d memorialize her with a giant bronze statue of a roller skate in the lobby, and she’d be forever known as the Stark Tower Roller Skating Girl. Ugh.

She hoped death would be quick. And soon. But then something happened. Something really unexpected. Darcy Lewis did not die. She didn’t even get bruised. What _did_ happen, was that she landed smack dab in the lap of the person who owned the balcony beneath hers.

This person uttered an amazed, “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph,” in the way that any reasonable person would when a girl in roller skates fell out of the sky into their lap.

Darcy was still processing her exceedingly welcome not-being-dead situation, and said the very first thing that came to mind in response. “If you make some joke about whether or not it hurt when I fell from heaven, I swear to Thor, I will hit you with these goddamn roller skates.”

The person, who she still didn’t know the identity of because she hadn’t quite worked up the courage to open her eyes yet, replied, “Do you always threaten people after jumping over balconies into their laps?”

“You may be surprised to know that you are the first,” she said, finally opening her eyes. “Oh. _OH_. Oh _shit_. You’re Bucky Barnes.”

“And _you_ are that girl that Steve talked into doing Wheels for Seals. Darcy, right?” He paused, briefly looking down at her skates, and then asked, “How’s that going for you?”

“Oh you know,” she said airily. “It’s going. Nice balcony you’ve got here. Very, um...rectangular.”

“I like it,” Bucky replied. “Are you thirsty?”

She stared at him blankly. “Am I what?”

“Well, seeing as how you…” He glanced at her prone figure stretched out in his lap, and cleared his throat before continuing. “...dropped in, I thought it would be polite to offer you a drink.”

“Helpful _and_ manners,” she remarked dryly. “Refreshing.”

He nodded. “My ma always said manners are important.”

“Smart lady.”

Bucky hummed in agreement. “So, was that a yes on the drink?”

“No, I’m good,” Darcy said. “Thank you, though. May I just say, you have a very solid lap? Like, ten out of ten, would fall into again.”

Bucky laughed. “Oh yeah?”

“Yep. Anyway, thanksfor, you know…” She waved her arms to cover everything that had just gone down. “...the whole saving my life thing. I’m extremely grateful.”

“So am I, doll. So am I. It’s not every day a beautiful girl drops into my lap and then threatens my life.”

“Well, living under me, it’s bound to happen again,” she replied. “Anyway, I should get going. Thanks again.”

“Yeah, yeah. Of course. Or…” he said, tightening his arms slightly where they were still wrapped around her.

“Or?”

“You could stay.”

“What, in your lap?”

“You did say it was ten out of ten,” he replied.

Darcy felt a flirty little smile tugging up the corners of her mouth. “This is true. I did say that.”

“Up to you,” Bucky said. “You wanna go, you go. But if you wanna stay…”

“We could take this as a sign from the universe and go with it?”

“Something like that.” 

“I am a really strong believer in signs, what about you?”

He grinned at her. “Me too.”

“Awesome,” she breathed, watching as his lips came closer.

Her head tilted, his breath was warm on her mouth, and then…

Darcy snapped into consciousness, abruptly sitting up in bed. “Holy shit,” she said.

Next to her on the mattress, Bucky asked, “It wasn’t my hand, was it?”

“No. Roller skates,” she told him. “Why? What about your hand? Did you have a weird dream too?”

“Yeah. I dreamed my hand detached and was trying to get fresh with you.”

“What, _really_?” Darcy said, half-laughing as she turned to face him. 

“Really,” he replied. 

“That sounds like something your hand would do. I mean, it’s always trying to get up in my ladybusiness as it is, so I’m not really surprised.”

“Can’t fault it for having good taste,” Bucky said, and she snorted. “So what happened with the roller skates?”

“I fell off a balcony into your lap, and you offered to let me have my way with you out of gentlemanly respect for my predicament.”

“Sounds like me.”

“I know, right? What time is it?”

“Four am,” he told her.

“You going back to sleep?”

“Nope.”

“Me neither. So. As I see it, that leaves us a few options. We could sit here and talk about our dreams, or we could use this time for a more worthy pursuit. Like sex.”

He smirked at her in the darkness. “Worthy pursuit, huh?”

“Yep. What do you say, Sarge?”

Bucky grabbed her, rolling them both so she was on top. “I say yes.”


End file.
